i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
