I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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