if only i could text you this smell
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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