I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
