I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
