Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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