you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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