"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
