So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize