Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
