just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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