At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize