Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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