I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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