My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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