I need to stop coming to work sober
someone owes me an orgasm
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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