It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
