Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
