I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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