even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
