So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
