Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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