my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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