I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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