Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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