Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
