he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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