If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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