If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she told me i tasted like america
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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