Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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