if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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