Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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