Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
false alarm, still single
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize