Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
