If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You made out with two different species that night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
