i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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