my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Welp...herpes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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