why didn't you poke me back
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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