so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I didn't notice because vodka
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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