Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
