Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
