I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
