And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
