My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
