Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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