No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
