do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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