saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
