I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
