I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
