I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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