Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
did i just pee glitter
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
