he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
