it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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