dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In other news, I just burned my penis
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
