I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
