Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
