Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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