Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
