she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
pray to the hookup gods
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
