I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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