You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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