I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He uses pillows to masturbate.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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